Revenge for Hire 3: The Senshi Strike Back
by Solarchos
Summary: The third mission of the Revenge for Hire gang, and it's their biggest one yet against the most formidable of foes. Things get even weirder when the author is taken hostage. A three-part fic with plenty of surprises.
1. Chapter 1

Usual legal crap : pretty much all of the characters depicted in this fanfic are the property / creation of someone else. You all know who you are. I'm not stealing them, I'm just borrowing them for a little bit. Imitation and imagination are the sincerest forms of flattery.

Author's note: this whole story could easily be considered PG-13. You've been warned.

Revenge for Hire The Senshi Strike Back, part one

by Solarchos

Sighing loudly, Solarchos started walking down the street. It wasn't often he made a public appearance but they'd been insistent about it. Adjusting his Kevlar vest and making certain the package was securely under his arm, he entered one of the most screwed-up places on Earth.

Across the street Tuxedo Umino was fleeing for his life, minus his pants, from Haruka and Michiru, both of whom looked extremely pissed off.

"You're dead, Cape-Nerd!!!" screamed Michiru as she and Haruka pursued him closely. Haruka had a small scimitar-like sword out and her expression indicated she was looking forward to using it.

A little further on Solarchos passed a Tokyo City police car where a couple of female cops were just finished slapping handcuffs on Zoicite, arresting him for "energy draining without a license."

"You can't do this to me!" screamed Zoicite as the two cops shoved him into the trunk (not the back seat – the _trunk_; Zoicite doesn't get a lot of respect).. "I'm a general of the Dark Kingdom!"

"Oh, cry me a river, ya freak!" snapped the blond-haired cop as she slammed the lid shut. The two cops quickly got back in their car and drove off.

Solarchos gulped in fear, his hand going for the Glock-17 he had under his jacket, as he heard the sound of singing coming from behind him.

"Rain or shine…I'm happiest…when I'm with…"

"YAAAAAAAAHHHHHH…GET HER…!!!!" He turned around just in time to see ChibiUsa get tackled by Kaorinite, Aluminum Siren, Calaveras, and PallaPalla. Gripping the squealing pink sugar-demon tightly, the four girls pulled her off to the side and began to pummel the stuffing out of her. Solarchos found himself strangely amused by the sight of it all.

"Kill the spore! Drink her blood!" chanted Siren.

"PallaPalla's gonna open up a can of whoop-ass on you!" said PallaPalla as she jammed a syringe into ChibiUsa's butt. A moment later ChibiUsa began to convulse and froth at the mouth as the insulin she'd been injected with triggered a massive allergic reaction. The four girls stepped back and watched with great interest as ChibiUsa began to look like she was trying to breakdance. It was funny as hell.

Solarchos moved on after a minute or so. He would've liked to stay longer, and he especially wouldn't have minded accepting the four villain-girl's invitation to go with them to the beach where they intended to bury ChibiUsa up to her neck in the sand. Unfortunately, he was busy with so many other things. Stepping around Sailor Saturn, who was busy sweeping the sidewalk (her glaive had a detachable broom head) he finally arrived at his destination: a small office building. A small signboard next to the front door indicated what businesses operated there. The first floor was the home of something called "Kiki's Delivery Service." The second floor belonged to the "Galaxia Talent Agency." The top floor belonged to none other than the Dark & Dead Revenge for Hire.

Going carefully up the stairs, Solarchos was nearly knocked over by two shrieking girls in school uniforms as they charged recklessly down the stairs in a blind panic. Galaxia suddenly appeared at the second floor landing with a shotgun.

"No more knock-knock jokes, you fething idiots!!!" she bellowed at the top of her lungs as she fired off a couple of shots at the fleeing girls (missing them, of course). "If I catch either one of you bastards coming around here again I'm gonna terminate the both of you!!" Galaxia was obviously in a _really_ bad mood because she continued chasing after the girls. "Do you hear me?! I'm gonna go Keyser Soze on your asses!!" Solarchos shrugged and moved on.

"Yeah!" shouted Iron Mouse as the TV program she, Kunzite, Petz, and Tellu were watching got interesting.

"Jerry…Jerry…Jerry…!" chanted the other three villains. Meanwhile, Mistress Nine and Esmeraude were in the kitchenette practicing a recipe from the Anarchist's Cookbook. Ail, Ann, Black Lady, and Rubius were playing "Villain Monopoly", their own version of the game in which you could firebomb your opponent's properties. JunJun was passed out on top of the pool table, snoring loudly, and Nephrite was asleep on the floor underneath the card table (Ail and Ann were using him as a footrest).

"What the hell are Mamoru Chiba and Usagi Tsukino both doing on the Jerry Springer Show?" asked Petz a minute later.

"Especially on an episode called "Stay away from my lover"?" added Tellu.

"…this freak won't leave my Mamo-chan alone!" a rather frustrated Usagi was shouting to Jerry.

"Well, let's bring this freak out!" replied Jerry, "Please welcome…"

"Fiore!!??" shouted all the villains, sweatdropping big-time.

"Oh, this is just _wrong_!" commented Kunzite. Just then someone knocked on the door. "Somebody get that…this is _way_ too interesting."

"Oh, come on, you can't be _that_ surprised," said Esmeraude as she went to the door, "I think we all knew it was going to happen sooner or later." She opened the door. "Solarchos?! What are you doing here?"

"Woo-hoo!" called out Petz. "He's finally gonna hire us to nail that backstabbing friend of his!" Esmeraude yanked him inside.

"Hey! Everyone!" called out Iron Mouse. "We got ourselves a job!"

"Hold it!" shouted Solarchos. "I'm not here to hire you guys to fight my battles. I'm just here to drop off this for Eudial and give you an update on your "special tactical transport"."

"Aww…!" replied Tellu, a little disappointed. "I was hoping you'd let us waste that rat-ass ex-friend of yours."

"So what _is_ this thing Eudial wanted?" asked Ail. Solarchos quickly opened the box, revealing a long, grey-black rifle with a sniper scope.

"One Heckler & Koch MSG-90 sniper rifle with a targeting scope, laser sight, and improved muzzle-braking to cancel out most of the recoil," he explained, showing off the rifle. "Chambered for use with the 7.62 by 51 millimeter NATO standard rifle round and it loads from a twenty-round box magazine. I tested it out just to see if it worked properly. Needless to say, it does." A few of the villains whistled appreciably.

"I guess Eudial's trading up from her fire-buster thing, huh?' commented Ann.

"Nah," replied Mistress Nine. "She told me she just wants some additional firepower in case we ever run across another Pokemon nest." A few of the villains cringed at the memory. Meanwhile, Solarchos was glancing out the window and noticed something (besides Michiru and Haruka tackling Umino and bringing him down).

"Hey, Mousie," he said, "Heavy Metal Papillon's a lavender-haired looker, stands about shoulder-height to me, and wears an outfit that looks like something out of a Victoria's Secret catalog, right?"

"Pretty much," replied Iron Mouse, not taking her eyes off the TV. Fiore was chasing after Mamoru, someone had just thrown a chair, and Steve Wilkos the bodyguard was currently trying to subdue a completely hysterical Usagi (clumsy as hell, but slippery in the grasp . "Why?"

"She's putting flowers all over Nephrite's car and she's got this really weird look on her face…" There was a huge crash as Ail, Ann, Black Lady, and Rubius, as well as their table and game, were sent flying as Nephrite rushed over in a panic. He shoved Solarchos aside and slammed open the window.

"_Get away from my car, you psychotic pyro_!!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. He quickly grabbed Eudial's new rifle and started using it. Almost everyone else in the room quickly rushed over to the windows and watched. Esmeraude started taking bets on the outcome.

"Uh, exactly where is Eudial?" asked Solarchos. "And everyone else for that matter?"

"Well, Fiore's currently in a headlock on the Jerry Springer Show," said Iron Mouse, still watching TV. "Demando and Beruche are off doing something, Cyprine, VesVes, and Saffir are asleep…" A curious grin appeared on Iron Mouse's face as she pointed to a door nearby. "And Eudial's right in there. Just go on in. Don't knock, either…she's expecting you."

"All right," replied Solarchos, a little cautiously (this was all too weird). Nephrite suddenly collapsed to the floor sobbing as Heavy Metal Papillon succeeded in setting his car on fire. Esmeraude, JunJun, Rubius, Kunzite, Ail, Ann, and Petz all let out a cheer and rushed out of the room, intent on joining the small crowd that was gathering around the flaming car with hot dogs and marshmallows (and a struggling ChibiUsa). Someone in the crowd was singing "We don't need ChibiUsa let her burn yo burn yo, we don't need ChibiUsa let her burn…!" Mistress Nine shook her head as she watched them go.

"Bunch of idiots," she remarked as she turned back to whatever it was she was doing. Solarchos reached the door, hesitated for a moment…then gasped as Iron Mouse suddenly reached around from behind him, turned the knob, and pushed him into the bathroom.

"Hey, Eudial!" she shouted as Solarchos fell through. "Your boyfriend's here!!"

Solarchos managed to grab onto the sink and regain his balance. He looked up…and nearly had a nosebleed. Eudial stood before him wearing nothing but the towel she was drying herself off with and a shocked expression. He quickly dove out the door and slammed it shut before the screams began.

Iron Mouse rolled on the floor, laughing her ass off as a very red-faced Solarchos slid to the ground.

"What was _that_ for?" asked Tellu.

"Aw, come on!" retorted Iron Mouse. "Everyone knows they're perfect for each other. Besides, I'm sure Solarchos has already seen everything before."

"No I haven't!" he growled. "Besides, I don't have time for a girlfriend!"

"You big liar," replied Iron Mouse, smiling kawaiily. "You know you like her. You cannot resist the power of the _red_ side."

"Muzzle it, Mouse!"

"Oh come on! Let us in on it! What _exactly_ goes on when she goes to check on the progress of her secret project? Are you two "testing the suspension"?" Solarchos' face turned red. "Come on! Spill it! I don't _have_ any kind of romantic life. I'm four and a half feet tall and most people think I'm only ten years old or something. The only guys who're interested in me are total pedophiles. Gimme a break, Solarchos! Please!"

"Hey! Quit trying to pull a "Ryoko" on me! I came here specifically to give Eudial her gun and tell her that the transport's finished. I didn't expect to be put through an ecchi inquisition…"

Suddenly, without warning, there was a blast of trumpets and the door burst open. Sailors Mars, Lead Crow, and Tin Nyanko leapt in. All three of them were wearing white Shinto coats over their usual costumes and looked upon everyone with fierce grins.

"_Nobody expects the Senshi Inquisition_!!" cried out Sailor Mars. "Our chief weapon is surprise! Surprise and fear, fear and surprise, our _two_ weapons are fear and surprise…and ruthless efficiency! Our _three_ weapons are fear and surprise and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to Naoko Takeuchi...ack!" Lead Crow and Tin Nyanko gave Mars an irked look as the raven-haired girl paused for a second to collect her thoughts. "Amongst our weaponry…amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as fear…screw it. Let's try it again." Mars, Lead Crow, and Tin Nyanko quickly left the room, closing the door behind them. Nephrite, Iron Mouse, Tellu, Solarchos, and Mistress Nine were all silent for a moment.

Mistress Nine turned off the stove and headed for her room.

"That's it," she said, "The fumes are getting to me…" She closed the door behind her. At the same time Eudial, now wearing a bathrobe (red, of course) stormed out of the bathroom.

"What the hell were you trying to pull?!" she demanded. It took Iron Mouse a moment to realize she was addressing her.

"Hey, why are you yelling at me? _He's _the one who saw you naked…almost."

"Yeah, but _you_ were the one who shoved him in." Iron Mouse put on her cutest expression.

"Little old me?" she replied. Eudial pulled out a damp towel and snapped Iron Mouse in the chest with it.

"Nice try, "squeaky"," snarled Eudial. "You can't do the "ChibiUsa Innocence Look". Besides, I _saw_ you push him in." Eudial stopped for a moment and looked around, sniffing. "What the hell's going on here? What's that smell?"

"That would be Nephrite's car," replied Solarchos. "Heavy Metal Papillon torched it."

"Really?" said Eudial. "Sucks to be you, Nephrite." Nephrite flipped her off.

"We also got paid an unexpected visit from the Senshi," added Tellu. Suddenly, amidst a blast of trumpets, the door burst open (again) and Sailors Mars, Lead Crow, and Tin Nyanko leapt in (again), grinning like idiots.

"_NOBODY EXPECTS THE SENSHI INQUISITION_!!" shouted Mars as the three of them skidded to a halt and took up authoritative positions. "Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to Naoko Takeuchi, and nice, skimpy costumes that show off our butts…_**D'oh!!!**_" Mars smacked herself in the forehead while Tin Nyanko pulled back her leg and kicked Mars in the aforementioned butt. Mars quickly regained her composure and approached Solarchos. "Solarchos!! At least we meet. For your evil attempt to transform this gentle, wholesome, heart-warming story into a hentai lemon you have been accused of heresy against her highness Naoko Takeuchi-sama."

"Excuse me?!!" he exclaimed.

"Through your actions here you've been accused of heresy and now must be thoroughly interrogated to determine the level of evil within your soul," continued Mars. "Take him!" Lead Crow and Tin Nyanko leapt at him and dragged him to the ground. Nyanko sat on his back while Lead Crow tied him up with her whip.

"Uh, hello?" called out Eudial, waving her hands. "Warm and wholesome? This is a "Revenge for Hire" story! Those adjectives don't apply here!"

"Besides," added Tellu. "Iron Mouse was the one who pushed him into the bathroom and all that. Blame her!"

"Hey! Leave me outta this!" cried Iron Mouse.

"Silence foul temptress!!" shouted Mars. "The taint of heresy always falls upon the author of a fanfic." She dragged Solarchos to his knees and bent down to his face. "Soon you shall pay for the crime of attempting to corrupt the vision of Naoko Takeuchi. Let's go girls!" Lead Crow and Tin Nyanko cackled happily as they shoved an extremely befuddled Solarchos out the door. Tellu, Eudial, Nephrite, and Iron Mouse all stood in silence, sweatdropping big time.

"What the _hell_ was that?" asked Eudial.

Petz happily munched on a hot dog as she and the rest of the Revenge for Hire gang walked through a more sedate section of Tokyo's downtown commercial district. Needless to say, they stuck out quite noticeably amidst the crowds of business-suited salarymen and secretaries.

"I can't believe this happened," said Demando for the tenth time. "How can the _author_ get kidnapped?!"

"Hey, weird things happen in a Sailor Moon fanfic," commented Iron Mouse. Saffir reached down and gave her a wedgie.

"Watch your mouth, "squeaky"," he snarled. "Solarchos wouldn't be in this fix if it weren't for you." Iron Mouse (who was now in her suit and fedora) staggered a bit as she readjusted herself.

"Jerk!" she cried. "I like Solarchos, too! None of us would _be_ here if it weren't for him. I don't wanna see him hurt. Or worse, brainwashed."

"I don't think that's possible," said Kunzite. "He's nowhere near as much of a dumbshit as Mamoru. Trust me, I know."

"So where _are_ we going?" asked Mistress Nine as Eudial led them up to a large office building. People were giving them all a wide berth and uneasy stares, half-expecting them to blow up the building or something. Going over to a steel grill set into the sidewalk, Eudial pulled up a section and began climbing down a ladder into some steam tunnels.

"Come on, you dorks!" she called up as she reached the bottom. Demando went down next, followed by Saffir, then everyone else. Pulling out her famous gun, Eudial started it up and set it to continuously fire a very small amount of flame, lighting up the dark tunnels around them. She started walking quickly down one of the tunnels and everyone followed her, not wanting to be left alone in the dark.

"Uh, do you even know where you're going?" called out Ann as the tunnel turned and branched off a few times.

"Absolutely," called out Eudial as she opened another steel grill in the floor and began climbing down the ladder beneath it.

"Okay, so where _are_ we going?" asked Nephrite, noticing some graffiti on the wall that said "Zoicite was here so lick me!".

"We're going to the most secret, most secure place on the planet," replied Eudial as she and the rest of the R4H gang began walking down the side of what appeared to be a disused section of the sewers.

"What? Sailor Moon's secret torture chamber?" asked Beruche.

"The Tokyo chapter of Fight Club?" asked VesVes.

"Chibi-chibi's nuclear stockpile?" inquired Black Lady.

"No, you idiots!" called out Eudial as she climbed up a ladder to a rickety steel walkway near the ceiling. Walking along, she kept her eyes on the meshwork beneath her feet, searching for a certain set of cuts in the metal. Finding them, she looked up, quickly found the panel overhead that had been painted grey, and pushed against it. She climbed up the trap door into another tunnel and everyone followed behind her.

"Eudial!" called out Nephrite, "Would you please tell us where we're going?!"

"Like I said, we're going to the most secure spot on Earth," she stated as they reached a large armored door. "The Bunker of Solarchos!"

Everyone was silent as Eudial walked up to the door.

"Holy shit!" whispered Rubius, "The _Bunker_!?"

"Wow!" We're actually going to see the inside of Solarchos' secret base here in Tokyo!" exclaimed JunJun.

"Not to mention we finally get to see just what this big secret project is that we've been hearing about for a while now," added Esmeraude.

"And get a peek into the mind of Solarchos," added Cyprine. "Damn, I wish I'd known this was where we were coming. Pikurol really wants to meet him." Meanwhile, Eudial was pounding on the door.

"Hey! Morrigan! Lisara! Talon! Somebody! Open up in there!" she yelled as she hammered away, "We've got a problem!" Suddenly a panel in the door slid open and the barrel of a rifle was pressed into her nose. "Uhhhh…"

"And what are you doing here?" asked the owner of the gun, her voice possessing a distinct Scottish accent. "Especially with such a large guest list?" Demando just happened to glance upwards at the ceiling, noting that part of the ceiling was steel grillwork. Something was moving up there…

"We've got a problem," explained Eudial. "A big one. Solarchos has been kidnapped…" The gun in her face was quickly withdrawn and the door slowly swung open on pneumatic hinges. Standing before Eudial were two very mismatched characters. The first was a tall, beautiful woman with green hair and bat-like wings. The second was a tiger-striped velociraptor that just happened to speak with the voice of Cheech Marin.

"Get in here, you stupid dingo!" shouted the velociraptor. Everyone quickly trotted inside.

"Where's Lisara at?" asked Eudial.

"_Who's_ Lisara, for that matter?" asked Ail.

"One of Solarchos' oldest friends," said Morrigan. "She's one of the few people on this planet that he trusts completely. She's out shopping. Now what's going on?"

"Wait a sec," said Ann as they entered the Bunker. "Aren't you Morrigan Aensland? From DarkStalkers? What the hell are _you_ doing here?" The green-haired succubus laughed a little as she closed and locked the door.

"Solarchos and I have been friends for years," replied Morrigan. "In fact, he's the one who introduced me to my husband, Talon." She happily threw her arms around the neck of the Raptor, who looked equally happy. Almost everyone else was facefaulting.

"You're married…?" stammered Kunzite.

"Si!" replied Talon the Raptor.

"To a _velociraptor_…?" added Saffir.

"Yeah, so?" retorted Morrigan.

"How's that even possible?" said Iron Mouse. "You two aren't even the same _species_?!"

"What are you, the species police?" replied Talon.

"Hey, Talon and I were the second _truly_ interracial marriage on this planet," added Morrigan. "Solarchos organized the whole thing."

"Second?" asked Nephrite. "Who were the first?"

"Kermit the frog and Miss Piggy," replied Talon and Morrigan simultaneously.

"Where've you been living your whole life? A cave in another dimension?" added Talon.

"Uhhhhh…kinda," replied Nephrite.

"Anyways, if you got a problem with it I suggest you either start beating your head against the concrete walls of this place or sit down, stick your fingers in your ears, and hum _real_ loud," ordered Morrigan. "You'll get the same results with either choice." Everyone retreated a little.

"Whoa, whoa! Calm down! We didn't mean it like that," said Iron Mouse, quickly. "It's just that you two seem like the most unlikely couple any of us can think of."

"Oh, like Madonna and Dennis Rodman were _normal_?" asked Talon.

"How about Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett?" said Morrigan.

"Here's a creepy thought: ChibiUsa and Helios actually getting together," added Talon. Iron Mouse thought for a minute.

"Yeah, I see your point," she said as they all walked down a short, broad, downward-sloping passageway, up a short flight of stairs, and entered a large room with a high, arched ceiling. Several doors were along the walls and a few passages led off. The whole room was oddly furnished. Old but well-kept tapestries and screens lined parts of the walls. The whole place was mostly decorated in a traditional Japanese style, but there were also parts that were clearly of Western origin. Several tables, couches, and chairs were placed throughout the room. Quite a few boxes were scattered around.

"Welcome to the entry room of the Bunker," announced Morrigan as they entered. "Solarchos' little hideaway here in Tokyo. Sorry about the mess but we're still moving in and getting set up. Solarchos found this place not too long ago. He's pretty sure it's a bomb shelter built during the Second World War when someone here heard rumors about the atomic bomb. Unfortunately, they apparently didn't get a chance to use it and it was totally forgotten until Solarchos found it. Bathroom's over there. Kitchen's over there. Arsenals are pretty much…everywhere."

"I can see that!" said Saffir as he went over to a table loaded down with several crates of Russian assault rifles. Black Lady, Demando, Rubius, Nephrite, and Esmeraude immediately rushed over and started helping themselves…

"Hey!!" screamed Eudial. "Put those away! We're here on official business, not for you bozos to load up and go postal in downtown Juuban!" She sighed and turned back to Morrigan. "Before he was nabbed by the Senshi, Solarchos mentioned that the transport's ready. Is that true?"

"Just finished it last night," said Talon. "Everything's loaded and running. We just haven't given it shakedown yet."

"Well, we're about to test it out now," said Eudial. "We need it. If we're going up against the Sailor Senshi then we're going to need some serious firepower that doesn't require long-winded speeches, weird names, or messed-up moves to use." Morrigan scratched her chin thoughtfully and glanced over at Talon. They both nodded and smiled.

"I think," said Talon. "That you may be in luck."

Large reinforced doors slowly slid open, revealing the secret vehicle construction facility of the Bunker. Talon and Morrigan led everyone forward into the facility, passing by several of Solarchos' "works-in-progress": a partially-assembled and heavily-modified Abrams tank mounting a railgun instead of a cannon, a modified MiG-31 Foxhound, three identical copies of Eudial's car (another Sailor Moon mystery solved), an Apache attack helicopter, an A-10 Warthog, a few battlemechs from MechWarrior, and lastly, standing in the furthest corner of the place, surrounded by metal gantries, cranes, and machinery…

"There it is," said Morrigan proudly. Everyone's jaw dropped as they stared at the huge, fifty-foot high armored monstrosity.

"That's not a "special-purpose tactical vehicle"!" exclaimed Black Lady. "That's a f---ing All-Terrain Armored Transport from "The Empire Strikes Back"!!"

"Where the hell did you get something like that?!" cried Petz.

"Oh, I managed to find it at an on-line police auction," explained Eudial as they all walked towards the AT-AT. "Someone named Nanvel was selling it. It didn't have any weapons and most of the computer systems had to be replaced but Solarchos and his friends took care of that."

"He managed to scrounge up quite a few Russian weapon systems and we bought the electronics we needed on-line from someone named Washuu," added Morrigan.

"How much did this thing cost us?" asked Demando.

"Not as much as you think," said Eudial. "Russia's pretty much the garage sale of the world and everything else was either from the auctions or the product of Solarchos' jury-rigging. Still, I was surprised we had _that_ much money in our bank accounts…" She scanned everyone with an angry scowl. "Does this have anything to do with those persistent rumors about us being called the Dark and Dead Whorehouse?" No one answered, although Nephrite looked a little nervous. Meanwhile, they were climbing up the metal stairs that led up to the large open hatch in the side of the D&D AT-AT.

"So…what's this thing _do_ exactly besides make a lot of noise and stomp cars?" asked Ann.

"What? Like that's not enough?" retorted Rubius, giving her a weird look.

"Uhh, it's got a lot of guns," said Talon. Morrigan pulled out a clipboard from down the front of her outfit(a la Washuu).

"Solarchos wrote it all down," she said as she flipped through the pages. "Let's see…top speed forty miles per hour, weighs 290 tons, titanium laminate armor with reactive plating, 2900-horsepower multifuel engine, range should be about 800 miles…" By now they were inside the huge mech. The interior of the main body was a large room with a narrow staircase leading up to the second level. Over a dozen seats lined the walls of the first level, most of them facing (of all things) a big screen TV. A small kitchenette was at the rear of the seating area, as was a small bathroom and a fully-stocked first aid station. A few villains went upstairs and discovered another small bathroom, more seats, a howitzer, and lots of tools, diagnostic systems, and spare parts.

"Holy crap!" exclaimed Beruche. "This thing's got everything!"

"Big screen TV, kareoke machine, refrigerator, microwave oven," said Demando as he sat down. "The seats aren't great but they're not bad. This vehicle is…acceptable."

"Acceptable?!" retorted Saffir. "Are you crazy? This thing's awesome!" Upstairs Rubius and Nephrite began squealing with joy as they found the howitzer.

"This thing's got a freaking _howitzer_, too?!" shouted Nephrite. "This rules!!!"

"Now we can blow away Chibi-Usa from blocks away and not expose ourselves to her lethal cuteness!!" added Rubius.

"Here it is," continued Morrigan as she flipped through more pages. "Weapons. In the head of this thing are mounted two 75mm autoloading fully-stabilized light tank cannons with a grand total of 200 armor-piercing shells. There's also a pair of forward-firing 40mm autocannons mounted on either side of the cockpit with 600 rounds each and a nose-mounted cluster of 70mm high-explosive unguided rockets. In the main body here there's the retractable 155mm autoloading howitzer that Rubius and Nephrite are drooling over. It's got thirty high-explosive shells and retracts inside the mech when it's not being used. There's also a small side turret mounted on either side of this thing. Each holds a pair of twin-linked, autostabilized 12.7mm machine guns and 20000 rounds. That's four heavy machine guns with 10000 shots each for you arithmetically-challenged." Opening a reinforced hatch at the front of the transport, Morrigan brought Eudial through the "neck" of the AT-AT to the cockpit.

Eudial sat down in one of the cockpit's three seats and began scanning the unfamiliar controls. Outside she could see Talon rushing about working the controls of the gantries, causing them to retract away from the mech.

"Here's a question," asked Eudial as Morrigan sat down in one of the other seats. "I noticed the hull on this thing's pretty scratched up. What happened?"

"Oh, Solarchos wanted to test out the armor and the environmental sealant systems," replied Morrigan as she started up the computers, "He had the ChibiAnimamates come in and bash the shit out of this thing."

"Oh shit!!" shouted Iron Mouse from back in the main seating area. "Not the ChibiAnimamates!!"

"What the hell are the ChibiAnimamates?" asked Kunzite.

"They're freakin' nuts, is what they are!" called back Morrigan. "Even for me!"

"They're a messed-up experiment of Professor Tomoe's," explained Iron Mouse. "I think he must've been either drunk and/or high on crack when he created them. Basically he took DNA from all of the Animamates, myself included, and combined it with that of Chibi-Usa's…"

"Ewwwww…!!!" exclaimed everyone.

"Yeah," said Iron Mouse. "Simply put, they're totally cute, half our size, and _twice_ as hyper. How'd Solarchos get them to work for him?"

"He gave them a bunch of guns and pays them in ammunition," replied Morrigan, "They may only be Chibi-Usa's size but they'd got a real flare for destruction. You should've seen what it was like when he had them attack this thing…"

_Chibi-Leady's note: If there's one thing we're good at, it's destruction! ^_^_

"So, anyways," said Eudial, looking like Usagi in a candy shop. "How does this work?" Morrigan moved over next to her.

"These are, of course, the controls," she explained as she checked out some of the readouts. "You're not trained yet so I'll handle the driving for now. Up here we've got short-range thermographic imagers, a very short-ranged radar, laser designators and rangefinders, fire control systems, heads-up weapon displays, radar detectors, an anti-collision radar system to warn you if you're about to scrape against an apartment building, a global positioning system, a multiband short-ranged radio capable of listening in on most police and military frequencies, and most importantly of all, Solarchos made sure of this, a TV with cable right here in the cockpit."

"Oh, _YES_!!" shouted Eudial. "Now I can terrorize downtown Tokyo _and_ watch Farscape at the same time!!" Morrigan got up and took the seat at the front of the cockpit. In the back of the vehicle a loud thrumming noise could be heard as the engine started up.

"This thing needs about four or five people to run it," continued Morrigan. "One to drive, one to operate the main cannons, another to run the sensors and radio. Someone else needs to be working the howitzer if you want to use it, and a fifth person should be on call just to keep an eye on the engine and other systems. Overall, this thing can carry about 23 people."

"Cool," said Demando as he came in and sat down in the third seat. "What's this thing run on?"

"It can use regular gasoline, diesel fuel, propane, ethanol…" said Morrigan. "It's also got an 800 kilowatt battery as a backup." She turned on the mech's intercom system. "Okay, villains. We're not exactly sure how this thing rides so find a seat and buckle up. Fire extinguishers are clearly marked on the walls so it might be a good idea to keep them in mind. There are no seatback trays to keep in their upright positions, there aren't any little baggies for motion sickness, no little masks will fall from the ceiling if we lose cabin pressure, and in the event of a water landing the men may be used as floatation devices!"

"Woo-hoo!!" called out Nephrite from the back.

"Talon!" called out Morrigan as the Raptor rushed onboard and closed the doors. "Keep an eye on the engine. Make sure the fuel lines aren't leaking."

"Got it!" replied the Raptor as he pulled open a wall panel and disappeared into the engine compartment. Turbines engaged, power relays began to hum, and the R4H gang's new toy came to life. Esmeraude and Iron Mouse both cackled maliciously as they loaded the machine guns, Rubius and Kunzite were having fun figuring out the howitzer, and everyone else was acting like six-year olds. A thump resounded through the massive garage as the D&D AT-AT began to move towards a huge lift. Within moments they'd maneuvered themselves onto the lift and were slowing rising towards a huge, armored hatch in the ceiling.

"This is it, people," called out Eudial as she gleefully took control of the AT-AT's main weaponry. "_Are you ready to rock, villains_??!!"

End of Part One

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

Usual legal crap : just about all of the characters depicted in this story are the property of someone else. I'm not stealing them, I'm only borrowing them for a while. This is a work of satire. Imitation and imagination are the sincerest forms of flattery.

This story is definitely within the range of PG-13. Just letting you know.

**Revenge for Hire The Senshi Strike Back, part two**

by Solarchos

"This is it, people!" called out Seiya to the throngs of screaming fans before the stage. "Are you ready to rock, Tokyo!!??" The crowd went wild as the Three Lights prepared to kick off yet another sold out concert. After a brief pause Taiki, Yaten, and Seiya glanced at each other, then brought their hands down simultaneously on their instruments…

_**KA-BLAM!!!**_ The three of them were hurled into the air (shades of "Back to the Future") by a massive explosion from below. Amplifiers, power cords, shattered bits of instruments, and pieces of the stage were flung in all directions. The Three Lights hit the ground relatively close to each other and rolled over to see something massive rising from beneath the shattered remains of the stage. Meanwhile, the crowds had retreated, but not fled in a panic-stricken mob (this was Tokyo, for crying out loud! They're used to stuff like that. Besides, for all they knew it was part of the show). They all watched in silence as a huge, 50-foot tall quadrupedal mech slowly rose up, pieces of burning stage falling from its back as the short barrel of a howitzer retracted back into its armored housing.

"Good shot, Rubius," commented Demando as the smoke began to clear a little. "Cleared that obstruction nicely."

"So Rubius actually is useful for something?" called out Esmaraude. "Who'd have thought?"

"Esmaraude, just so you know there's an arc-welder within arm's reach of where I'm standing…" warned Rubius as Kunzite reloaded the howitzer with a wild laugh. Meanwhile, Talon opened one of the AT-AT's gun ports and looked outside.

"Hey! There's a concert out here again!" announced the raptor.

"Again?" said Ail. "What do you mean "again"?"

"This is the third time this month," replied Talon as he opened up a weapons locker and pulled out an assault rifle. "Why do these gringos always have to pick an empty field to have a concert…?"

"Hold your fire, Talon," called out Morrigan as she looked out the windows at the crowd. Eudial spotted them first.

"Crap, it's the Three Lights," she announced, pointing towards them. Morrigan and Demando leaned over to take a look.

"Sure is," said Demando.

"Aww _shit!_ " hissed Morrigan angrily. "Not them _again_. This is the third time they've set up a concert right on top of the lifts." She sighed heavily. "Like Solarchos says: once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action. Looks like we're going to have to kick their asses this time…"

"Uhhh, we've got incoming," said Demando, a little nervously as he caught sight of something through the side window. Coming into the concert area were dozens of police cars and quite a few tanks.

"Wow, that was quick," commented Mistress Nine.

"Looks like we've got the usual Tokyo City police, a special police tactical squad, and…whoa! Did they call in the Dominion Tank Police?" said Eudial as she scanned the approaching police force.

"Is that going to be a problem?" called out Saffir from the back.

"Not really," replied Morrigan. "We've got a license to drive battlemechs in Japan. Of course…" She glanced at Eudial and Demando and smiled impishly. "We have to let _them_ know that. Hey, Talon! Turn on the karaoke machine and make sure it's hooked up to the outside speakers!" The raptor snickered as he turned on the karaoke machine and turned the volume way up.

"Uhh…what are you doing?" asked Eudial.

"Playing the one song you're required _by law_ to play if you're tearing around downtown Tokyo in a battlemech," said Morrigan. "Hell, this outta _really_ spice up their concert."

The crowds watched anxiously, retreating back a few steps as the AT-AT took a thundering step forward. Then the distorted robotic voice kicked in.

"**Intergalactic planetary planetary intergalactic, intergalactic planetary planetary intergalactic…!!**" By now the AT-AT was slowly sidestepping, shuffling, and basically grooving as only a battlemech could. "**Intergalactic planetary planetary intergalactic…!!**" A hatch on top of the AT-AT popped open and three guys (Rubius, Kunzite, and Nephrite actually) dressed in yellow and green Japanese construction worker coveralls got out on the roof and proceeded to boogie.

By now the entire crowd was going nuts, dancing and screaming as the "real" show began. Seiya, Taiki, and Yaten just stared up at the huge battlemech in disbelief.

Inside the AT-AT another party was getting underway as Iron Mouse, Esmeraude, and Black Lady grabbed the karaoke microphone and proceeded to sing along while almost everyone else got their grooves on. Meanwhile, Talon was halfway up the ladder leading to the roof hatches.

"Why are we out here dressed like this?!" shouted Nephrite as he, Rubius, and Kunzite continued to "shake their money-makers" to the delight of thousands.

"Simple!" shouted back Talon. "Not only will we get the cops off our butts but now they'll think we're the Beastie Boys! We could level an entire block and not have to worry 'cause they'll think we're making a music video! I mean, look! Even the _cops_ are dancing now!"

"Whoa! Those cops are groovin'!" commented Eudial as she and Demando looked out at the crowds. Demando nodded silently.

"What do you expect? They think we're making a video," said Morrigan as she put the battlemech into a slow walk. "Okay, which way are we going?"

"Sailor Mars was the one who kidnapped Solarchos," said Beruche, poking her head in. "So the first place we should check is the Cherry Hill Temple. While we're there I want to blast the hell out of her grandfather. I don't know what Cooan sees in him. That perverted little midget tried to cop a feel on me once…"

"Oh, he does that to everyone," said Morrigan off-handedly as she increased speed. "If I even go within a block of that place he shows up in front of me trying to feel me up." A moment later there was a huge crunch outside as the AT-AT stepped on the Three Lights limo (much to the crowd's delight). Eudial howled with laughter as the middle of the limo was squashed flat. Everyone was have fun, in fact, especially the "Beastie Grrls" as they started getting inventive on the karaoke machine.

"Serenity thinks that she's the _queen_!" sang Esmeraude. "Gonna fry her ass with a laser _beam_! Gonna get Demando 'cause that's my _dream_! Gonna do things in leather that'll make him _scream_!"

"Huh?!" asked Demando, rather surprised.

"When it comes to envy you're as green as can _be_!" sang Black Lady. "Gonna get Demando all for _me_! I got the best bod in this fami-_lee_! Intergalactic _planetary_!"

"_Nani??!_" cried Demando and Esmeraude simultaneously. A moment later Esmeraude punched Black Lady in the stomach and they both hit the floor in a vicious catfight while Iron Mouse kept on singing.

"Aw man! That sounds like a kick-ass party back there," commented Morrigan as they hit full speed.

Shingo Tsukino watched in amazement as Sailors Mars, Lead Crow, and Tin Nyanko pulled/pushed a tied-up guy up the stairs towards the Cherry Hill Temple. He gulped nervously: one guy, three hot-looking young ladies ( specially Lead Crow)…

"Lucky bastard!" he commented as he continued walking on.

Checking quickly to make certain the area was clear, the Senshi Inquisition dragged their victim into an unused storage building of the temple. Mars closed and locked the door behind them while Lead Crow and Tin Nyanko began tying Solarchos to a pillar. Nyanko slapped him on the butt a few times.

"Hey!" he protested. "Hands off! This _ain't_ that type of story!"

"Oh, yes it is!" retorted a rather wild-eyed Mars. In fact, they all looked a little weird in the eyes. "Read the charges." Tin Nyanko pulled a sheet of paper from out of the bodice of her costume and read it aloud

"You are hereby charged that you did and in diverse ways commit heresy against Naoko Takeuchi-sama," she stated. She then proceeded to start dancing a jig.

"That's enough!" called out Mars, stopping her. Mars then approached Solarchos, looking as imperious as usual (this is Rei Hino we're talking about here). "Now, you are accused of heresy on three counts. Heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action…_four_ counts! You have done all this in your black-hearted attempt to turn this fanfic into a lemon."

"Like there aren't enough Sailor Moon lemons out there," added Tin Nyanko.

"Yes," hissed Mars, favoring the author with a demented grin. "Soon they shall all answer to the Senshi Inquisition for their crimes. You shall be the first, Solarchos. Do you confess?"

"Huh?" he replied. This was all a bit too weird.

"I give you this one opportunity to confess of your crimes and spare yourself the agonies of torture. Confess…and you shall be free," said Mars.

"Torture?! What the hell are you talking about?! This is _my_ damn story, not yours!"

"_Blasphemy_!!" shouted all three girls. Nyanko slapped him in the butt once more for his impertinence.

"He confessed!" cried Lead Crow. "He confessed to his heresy by word!"

"And of thought!" added Nyanko. "He thinks he's better than Naoko-sama!"

"I never said that!" he shouted. "What the hell is going on here, anyway? Are you three on crack or what?"

"How dare you insult the Senshi Inquisition!" exclaimed Mars. "Will you confess to your crimes and spare yourself the agonies of torture? Or do we need to drag it from you screaming?"

"Confess what? You haven't even told me what exactly I'm accused of…_and stop pinching my butt, Nyanko!!_" Mars sighed sadly.

Oh, you prideful fool," she stated. "We offered you the chance to confess and repent and you chose to ignore our mercy. You shall pay for your presumption! Crow! Nyanko! Fetch…_the pillows_!"

"The pillows!!" squealed both Animamates as they dashed off, coming back a minute later with several ordinary pillows. The three girls grinned fiendishly at Solarchos as they fluffed up the pillows. Crow and Nyanko got on either side of him while Mars stood directly in front of him. All three of them started savagely poking and prodding him with the soft, fluffy corners of the pillows.

"Confess…" they urged as they "tormented" him over and over. "Confess…confess…confess…"

"He's not confessing," said Lead Crow (with a distinct British accent). "Are you sure these are working properly?" Mars bopped him in the face with her pillow.

"Confess, you jerk!" she urged. The other two girls quickly joined in and started hitting him repeatedly with their pillows.

"Confess! Confess! Confess…!"

With a huge crunch, the D&D AT-AT stepped on yet another parked car as it stomped its way down one of Tokyo's busier streets.

"Hoody-hoo!" cried Eudial as she turned the mech towards a Honda dealership. "I'm getting the hang of this!"

"Hey, Talon!" called out Morrigan. "Are we still being followed?"

"Yup!" called back Talon. "Mostly people from the concert. I think the Three Lights are chasing after us, too." Talon was on top of the AT-AT looking over the rear at the dozen or so cars pursuing them. Almost all of them were filled with screaming fans. One car was racing ahead of the others and was pulling alongside them. Suddenly, the AT-AT rocked very slightly as it was struck by a Star Serious Laser.

The interior shifted a little, causing a few of the villains to look around in surprise, but only a few. Everyone else was busy. Tellu had dragged Ail into one of the bathrooms (she does have a thing about plants, remember?). Petz and Saffir were busy "inspecting the plumbing" in the other bathroom. Mistress Nine and Esmaraude were gorging themselves in the kitchen. VesVes was on JunJun's shoulders playing with one of the machine guns. Iron Mouse and Anne were still singing away.

"What was that?" asked Cyprine. "Did we just hit another car?" Another mild tremor rocked the mech.

"I don't hear any weird-ass violin music, so that can't be the Outer Senshi," said Mistress Nine.

"It's the Three Lights!" called out Talon. "They're honking at us and yelling obscenities!"

"Well, tell them to go around!" shouted Demando. "This thing's only got a top speed of forty!" Another light shudder went through the mech.

"What the hell _is_ that?" demanded Beruche. Rubius poked his head in from topside.

"Hey, they're shooting at us with a Serious Laser," he called out.

"Let them," retorted Morrigan. "They're hammering away on six inches of titanium armor. It's not like they can actually _do_ anything…" A loud bang echoed through the mech. "Okay, what was that?"

"Sailor Maker just threw a Gentle Uterus at us," called out Rubius.

"Ewwwwww…!!!" cried everyone.

"Oh, that just sounds _nasty_!!" added Iron Mouse as she cringed at the mental imagery.

"Okay!" shouted Eudial. "That does it! Lasers I can tolerate, but _that_ was going entirely beyond the realm of good taste. _Waste those gender-bending freaks!!_"

"_My__ machine gun_!!" shouted Iron Mouse as she jumped at the controls of the other machine gun turret. "Ghu-hu-hu-huuuu…!!"

Sailors Fighter and Maker were leaning out the windows of the car while Yaten (who had not henshined) drove.

"Hold it steady!" ordered Seiya/Fighter as he/she took aim (author's note: keeping these characters straight shouldn't be this difficult). "I'm gonna aim for the legs…"

"Me, too," added Taiki/Maker.

"What for?" demanded Yaten. "You didn't do anything except make a huge stain on the side of that thing. Besides, that's a frigging All-Terrain Armored Transport! And it came from Solarchos' Bunker! He warned us about blocking the lift doors like that!" Seiya reached in and smacked him upside his head.

"Hey!" he/she shouted. "We're the Starlights! We can go wherever we want whenever we want! We're certainly not about to take orders from some xenophobic third-rate wannabe author like Solarchos."

"Are you crazy?!" screamed Yaten. "That "xenophobic third-rate wannabe author" as you call him has enough military hardware to personally invade Baghdad! Hell, I've heard rumors that he's got access to nuclear weapons and interstellar capable spacecraft!"

"Yeah, right," taunted Taiki. "Next you'll be saying Haruka and Michiru aren't really cousins…" Suddenly, a barrage of high caliber tracer bullets began tearing into their car. Huge gaping holes burst open all along the length of the car, tires screeched and shredded apart, the hood blew open and wrapped over the windshield, and the engine catapulted out of the front of the car, shot fifty feet into the air, and exploded. Amazingly, none of the Three Lights were injured (Oh, come on! Did you really expect they would be? This is a humor/parody, not a snuff-story). Losing control instantly, their car swerved off the road.

"I love you, Seiya!!!" shouted Taiki, grabbing onto him/her.

"Quit feeling me up, you pervert!!"

Chibi-chibi was walking in the park, looking as happy as she could possibly be, for she was walking hand-in-hand with the most wonderful, perfect, and greatest friend she'd ever met in her life.

"Chibi!" she cried happily. "Chibi-chibi-chibi!" Her new best friend laughed at the joke, his voice muffled by the think orange snowsuit he wore. Her friend was an older boy, a first-grader from America who always wore the same big snowsuit. He always spoke in the same unintelligible mumble, but two soulmates such as them could always understand each other.

"Chibi-chibi Kenny!" said Chibi-chibi as she leaned in close, intent on giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Ummph?" asked Kenny. Then he realized what Chibi-chibi was planning. "Woo-hoo!!" He closed his eyes and leaned in…

_**WHAM!!!**_ A huge gust of wind engulfed Chibi-chibi, nearly pulling her hair out of its usual mini-odangoes. She opened her eyes…

"Oh my god!" shouted Yaten. "We killed Chibi-chibi's friend!" Seiya leapt up on top of what remained of their car and looked towards the retreating D&D AT-AT.

"You bastards!!" he/she yelled. Their wrecked car had plowed straight into Kenny and rolled into a convenient koi pond. All that was left of Chibi-chibi's best friend was a red smear, orange bits of cloth, and a mangled corpse that was quickly being devoured by the goldfish of the pond. Yaten got out and looked at the remains of their car.

"This is just great!" he exclaimed. "First you two provoke Solarchos again by parking our concert right on his roof _then_ you just _had_ to push him further by trying to attack his frigging battlemech! Now we're out another car, we look like idiots, _and_ Solarchos is probably going to send either the ChibiAnimamate Tactical Infiltration Squad or the Dark and Dead Revenge for Hire after us and it's all because of you two!! Screw you guys! I'm going home!" With that said Yaten walked away.

"Chibi?" asked Chibi-chibi, looking rather pissed off as she approached Seiya and Taiki.

"Yaten's right," said Taiki suddenly. "You were the one who insisted on chasing after them. I'm getting outta here before Solarchos nails us." Taiki quickly walked away.

"Buncha wussies!!" shouted Seiya. "I ain't afraid of Solarchos! I'll take him on! I'll take him on and anything he sends after u_uhhhhhhhhhh_…!!!" Seiya began spasming wildly and collapsed to the ground as Chibi-chibi nailed him / her squarely in the crotch with a fully-charged taser. Grinning wickedly, Chibi-chibi proceeded to _really_ get even…

A little dazed and rather confused, Solarchos watched as the three girls continued to beat each other with the pillows. At some point during their "torture" of him Nyanko had accidentally hit Mars. She hit back and slowly it escalated into a three-way fight in which he'd been forgotten about. Solarchos tried to reach into his pocket…

"Wait!!!" shouted Mars suddenly. "We're supposed to be continuing with the inquisition of this heretic! Not slapping each other silly!"

"Speak for yourself!" retorted Nyanko as she bopped Mars one more time in the head. Mars gave her a dirty look.

"Heretic!" called out Lead Crow, pointing at Solarchos. "You did this to us!"

"What?!" he cried. "I've been tied up ever since we got here! I can't even scratch my nose let alone make _you _do anything."

"Silence!!" shouted Crow. "You vacuous, malodorous, toffee-nosed _pervert_!! You _are_ responsible!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"I am not!"

"You most certainly are!"

"Enough!" called out Mars. "Fetch…_**the comfy chair!!**_" A look of sheer terror appeared on Tin Nyanko's face.

"The comfy chair?!!" she exclaimed. A sharp look from Mars sent her and Crow dashing off. A minute later they came back carrying a large leather recliner between them. Solarchos watched in disbelief as the two Animamates set the chair down and began untying him. With sadistic laughter Lead Crow and Tin Nyanko dragged him over to the chair.

"So!" declared Mars. "You think you are strong because you survived the soft pillows. Well, we shall see about that!" She looked at Crow and Nyanko, a gleam of madness in her eyes. "Crow…Nyanko…_put him in the comfy chair!!!_"

Solarchos landed with a grunt in the middle of the chair. Nyanko leapt onto him, sitting on his stomach to prevent his escape while Crow yanked on the chair's lever, causing it to fold into its fully reclined position. Mars quickly moved around behind the chair and grabbed Solarchos' shoulders, holding him down firmly. She leaned down until she was almost close enough to kiss him.

"Now!" she intoned. "You will remain trapped in the comfy chair until dinnertime and we will stay here, seated on top of you, to insure that you never escape!!"  
"Okay, now _this_ is getting downright ecchi…" replied Solarchos. "What's next? Are you going to have Lead Crow do a striptease?"  
"Well, if you insist…" said Crow, standing up. Mars quickly slapped her upside the head. All was silent for a few minutes as the Senshi Inquisition leered at the recumbent Solarchos while he just laid there with all three girls leaning over him. As far as tortures went this wasn't so bad…

"Uh, we might wanna try making it worse for him somehow," offered Nyanko. Mars knelt down next to Solarchos.

"Confess, gaijin," she urged. "Confess. Confess! Confess!! _Confess_!!!" Lead Crow suddenly burst into tears and fell to her knees.

"I confess!!" she shouted.

"_**NOT YOU!!!**_" screamed Mars at the top of her lungs.

There was a huge crunch as the D&D AT-AT stepped on the stall of a hot dog vendor, causing liquefied hot dogs to squirt in all directions. People stared up at the huge machine in utter disbelief. Kenji Tsukino started taking pictures as Eudial drove the mech through yet another parking lot. He really had plenty to film a minute later as "enemy reinforcements" arrived.

Demando blinked a little as he tried to make out what was being displayed on one of the sensor readouts.

"Uh, something's happening over here," he announced. "We've got movement on the infrared sensors." While Eudial squashed a bus Morrigan glanced over at the sensor readouts.

"Oh, shit!" she exclaimed.

"What?" asked Eudial. "Don't tell me it's the Three Lights again."

"No, too small, too fast, and too many," said Morrigan. "Damn, we should've installed cameras on the sides of this thing. They're coming up on our left side." She and Demando glanced out the side window.

"Aw crap…" groaned Demando.

"Dang, man!" shouted Morrigan, "A ding-dang-doo!"

"What?! What is it?!" demanded Eudial.

"_We've got Pokemon_!!" screamed Morrigan.

"_Shit_!!!" shouted all of the villains simultaneously. Ann immediately fell to her knees, crying.

"Nooooooo!!" she howled, looking as if she was trying to pull out her hair. "Not them!! Anything but them!!" The bathroom doors burst open as barely-clad Tellu, Petz, Ail, and Saffir rushed out.

"Awww, man!!" whimpered VesVes. "This is not good! Those little bastards nearly killed us last time! We can hardly do anything to them!"

"She's right!" cried Beruche. "Ail and Ann lost all their Cardians in a game of Magic: the Gathering, JunJun's and VesVes' ball-thingies can't do squat, Tellu's plant skills are useless, they don't _have_ any starseeds for Iron Mouse to steal, Nephrite's got a sword but he'd never get close enough to use it, and Demando and Saffir don't even _have_ any long-range attacks!"

"That just leaves Eudial and her fire-buster," continued Cyprine. "Me and my staff, Beruche's freezing stuff, Rubius' cherry-bomb thingies, Petz, Black Ladies', Mistress Nine's and Esmaraude's lightning bolts, and Kunzite's boomerangs…and those won't even affect them half the time! What are we gonna do??!!" Talon suddenly appeared with a bunch of guns and tossed her an Uzi.

"Simple," said the raptor as he started laying out shotguns, automatic rifles, and submachine guns. "Shut up and start shooting!"

"Uhh…shoot them?" inquired Mistress Nine. "Like, with a gun? We can _do_ that?!"

The side-loading hatch opened revealing the terrifying sight of dozens of Pokemon swarming towards them, their demonic cries filling the air. It was almost enough to make even the most despotic villains wet themselves and hide. Iron Mouse grinned maniacally as she began firing the machine guns.

"Bwa-ha-ha-ha-haaaa!!!" she screamed as she sent a continuous stream of tracers into the charging horde of Pokemon. "C'mon, you wussies! Gotta kill 'em all…!!" Esmeraude gave her trademark laugh as she began letting loose with lightning bolts and a pump-action shotgun. Within moments all of the villains were blasting away, their fear fading as the first wave of critters faltered.

"What's going on?! What's happening?!" demanded Demando as Morrigan popped open a hatch in the top of the cockpit and climbed up (putting him in the perfect position to get a good look at her butt). A moment later Morrigan began blasting away with her .45 pistol.

"We've got 'em confused!" she shouted. "Pokemon use swarm tactics, the "kawaii factor", and magic-based attacks to overwhelm their targets. They weren't expecting us to actually stand our ground and fight back with conventional weaponry. Some of them may be immune to certain things but none of them are bullet-proof."

"Hey!!" called out Iron Mouse over the sounds of gunfire. "Just a suggestion but this thing needs _two_ sets of turrets on each side, not just one!"

"So noted!!" shouted back Morrigan as she reloaded. Meanwhile, Eudial kept the AT-AT moving forward.

"We're almost there!" she cried. "Just a few more minutes! Hold those little bastards off!""

Cherry-bombs and regular hand grenades exploded, dark lightning impacted with spectacular results, glowing boomerangs whipped through their ranks, and bullets pounded into their hides, yet the Pokemon still kept coming. Nephrite had even performed the supreme sacrifice and handed over his secret stash of vodka for use as Molotov cocktails. Nothing seemed to be able to stop them: where one Pokemon fell two more took its place.

"They're still coming!!" shrieked JunJun as she reloaded her Uzi. "They just keep coming!!"

"Just keep shooting!!" shouted Tellu as she emptied the fourth clip of her M-16 into the encroaching horde. They'd reached the feet of the AT-AT and were climbing up!

"Just leave us alone (deep breath) _you pocket-sized freaks_!!!" screamed Iron Mouse at the top of her lungs, her voice almost reaching levels that only dogs would hear as she kept firing away non-stop. Suddenly Eudial rushed in. Skidding to a halt next to the open hatch, she charged up her fire-buster and proceeded to immolate the Pokemon climbing towards them. Their squeals of surprise and discomfort warmed her soul.

"Yeah!!" she screamed. "Burn, baby, burn!!" Saffir grabbed her arm.

"Where's Morrigan and my brother!?" he shouted over the noise of battle.

"She's driving and he's leaning out blasting at them with an assault rifle," she called back as she continued toasting Pokemon, keeping an eye out for a certain yellow critter. Just then Rubius, Kunzite, and Nephrite came down from the roof, firing everything they had up through the open roof hatch. They didn't look happy.

"What's going on?!" demanded Petz.

"They're on the roof!!" screamed Rubius. "We can't stop them!"

"Game over, man!!" whimpered Nephrite. "Game over!!"

All hell broke loose as numerous Pokemon began swarming inside the AT-AT through the open roof hatch. From the cockpit came the sound of a loud whack as someone bashed Demando in the head, then more Pokemon began entering through the cockpit hatch. Several gunshots rang out as Morrigan tried to stop them, but there were just too many.

"Oh shit! Morrigan!!!" screamed Talon as he rushed to her aid. He didn't get far as a huge blast of electricity washed over them as the arch-demon Pikachu finally appeared, stunning most of the R4H gang with his first shot.

Standing back to back, Beruche and Petz let loose with everything they had left as the Pokemon horde closed in. Kunzite and Nephrite whipped out their swords and charged, taking the fight to the little bastards. Saffir stood back up, his legendary toughness allowing him to shrug off the worst of Pikachu's attack, grabbed a couple of pistols, and started blasting away. Cyprine was swinging away with her staff like mad as they pushed her into a corner. Tellu was on top of the refrigerator, hurling everything she could get her hands on. Anne's shotgun was now empty, forcing her to use it like a club as she tried to defend her unconscious brother/lover. Finally, JunJun had freaked out and locked herself in one of the bathrooms (jerk). Everyone else had been knocked out by Pikachu's attack.

"All right! Everyone drop your weapons and surrender!" called out a voice over the din of combat.

"Or else the prince and the succubus both get it!" shouted another voice. Everyone turned to see who it was…

Beruche, Petz, and Saffir were all horrified to see Brock and Misty toss the unconscious bodies of Demando and Morrigan onto the floor. Both Pokemon-masters had armed themselves with the guns taken from the two villains. Beruche, Petz, and Saffir gave up immediately (no way they were risking their prince's safety). The remaining villains were quickly overwhelmed and dragged to the floor. As Tellu was pulled kicking and screaming from her perch atop the refrigerator the last of the three Pokemon-masters finally appeared.

Ash smirked evilly as the Dark & Dead Revenge for Hire were pushed into the seats or piled on the floor. Victory was theirs.

"Pi-_kaaaaaaa_…!!" chanted Pikachu. The other Pokemon responded in their respective ways, exalting their triumph.

"We did it! We did it!" shouted Misty. "It's ours! All ours!"

"You bastards!" shouted Ann. "What's the meaning of this? Why'd you attack us?"

"It's really quite simple," answered Ash. "We're taking over this story. Now that Solarchos is out of the way and the only people capable of rescuing him neutralized I can finally realize my dream of total global domination!!" Insert diabolical laughter. The villains facefaulted : _this_ was certainly unexpected. Unfortunately, Ash kept talking. "Now that I have an All-Terrain Armored Transport I will be unstoppable! Nothing will be able to defeat me! Not even Sailor Moon! Nothing will prevent me from becoming the most powerful anime character of all time! I will be the greatest! I will be…the _**Uber-Pimp**_!!!"

"The _what_??!!" exclaimed the villains.

"Okay, _now_ I am officially freaked out," remarked Cyprine.

"Villain-girls!!" shouted Ash (insert diabolical acting). "I now give you this one opportunity! Join me and serve as my loyal sex-slaves or refuse and be sacrificed alongside your men in honor of our evil god!!" At this point all of the Pokemon began humming what sounded like "Yankee Doodle". The girls all blinked in surprise (at least the ones still conscious did).

"So…" began Tellu. "Become your sex-slaves and live?"

"Yes."

"Or refuse, be sacrificed, and die?" added Ann.

"Yes." The villain-girls all looked at each other.

"We'll take death," they all answered simultaneously. Misty and Brock were barely able to suppress their laughter.

"Aww, come on!" pleaded Ash. "Don't you wanna think it over first?"

"So…uh…who is this evil god of yours you were talking about?" asked Nephrite. Suddenly a large purple dinosaur teleported into the D&D AT-AT.

"Heeeeyy, kids!"

"Oh…my…god…" gasped Kunzite. "It's…it's…!"

"I love you…you love me…" sang Barney the Daemonic Dinosaur.

"You know, in any other story this might seem strange," commented Petz.

"Now that you know what fate awaits your men do any of you girls wish to change your minds and live?"

"_No!!! Kill us!!!_" they all shouted in unison. Misty and Brock rushed into the cockpit and burst out laughing.

"Are you sure?" asked Ash tentatively.

"_Kill us_!!!"

"I'd rather have sex with Mamoru with Chibi-Usa watching," added Cyprine.

"Fine!!" shouted Ash, pissed off. "Prepare them for sacrifice!"

"Oh, goody!" called out Barney, hopping around. "A sacrifice for _me_! Stuuuuu-pendous!"

"Man, this is just _totally_ screwed up," commented Saffir as the Pokemon horde closed in.

_Will the R4H gang be sacrificed?_

_Will Ash achieve his mad dream of becoming the Uber-Pimp?_

_Will Solarchos survive his ordeal at the hands of the Senshi Inquisition?_

_Will sanity __ever__ return to Tokyo? _( _probably not…_)

Find out in the conclusion of "The Senshi Strike Back"


	3. Chapter 3

Revenge for Hire : The Senshi Strike Back

Part Three – The Conclusion

Welcome back!

When we last left our intrepid band of villainous heroes (Is that an oxymoron?) they'd just suffered a major setback. The Pokemon, led by their masters, had just overwhelmed them, taking over the D&D AT-AT and revealing their goal of global domination. Armed with the AT-AT, supported by legions of Pokemon, and with all opposition neutralized there seemed to be nothing left to stop Ash in his quest to become the most powerful force in the universe – _the Uber-Pimp_.

The darkness slowly faded and was replaced by some really annoying muscle knots as Iron Mouse regained consciousness.

"Uhhh, what happened?" she groaned. "Have I been drinking "lemonade" again?"

"We got our butts kicked," said a nearby voice. It took Iron Mouse a moment to recognize it as Petz's.

"Oh, right, the Pokemon…shit! So what happened?"

"Well, we've been captured, the Poke-masters have revealed their intent to take over the world, and you're about to be sacrificed in honor of their dark god."

"_**What**__**?!**_" screamed Iron Mouse, her eyes popping open.

"Sur-_prise_!!" called out a voice that sounded entirely too cheerful. Iron Mouse looked over to see a seven-foot tall purple dinosaur standing next to the examination table she was lying on. She stared at Barney the Demonic Dinosaur blankly for a few seconds. Then it sank in…

"_**AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!**_" Iron Mouse screamed at the top of her lungs and struggled madly at the restraints. "_Oh my goddess!! Please tell me I'm hallucinating!! Somebody please tell me I'm tripping on some of Tellu's freaky drugs!!"_

"No such luck," said Ash as he poked his face into Mousie's. "In a few short moments you'll be sacrificed in honor of him!" Iron Mouse let out another despairing shriek while Barney jumped around gleefully.

"Oh, won't this be fun everyone?!" he declared.

"NO!!!" called out everyone in the R4H gang (who were now all conscious).

"I don't wanna be sacrificed to an annoying purple dinosaur!!" wailed Iron Mouse.

"You're only recourse is to become my willing sex-slave!" stated Ash proudly. Iron Mouse immediately stopped crying like Usagi and glanced at Ash. Then she looked at Barney.

"Kill me," she told the dinosaur. "Right now."

"Dammit!!" shouted Ash.

"Stuuuuu-pendous!" cried Barney as he pulled out Nephrite's sword and got in close to Iron Mouse. "Sing with me, everybody! I love you…you love me…" All of the Pokemon began to hum along as Barney prepared to slay Iron Mouse…

Outside, there came the sound of turbine engines as a large, sleek hovertank pulled up alongside the open landing hatch of the AT-AT. A door in the side of the hovertank snapped open, revealing a group of mismatched but strangely appropriate people.

The first was a pale, statuesque red-haired girl dressed in brown and grey robes. The second was a short blond-haired guy who looked vaguely like Dennis Leary dressed in heavy combat armor and carrying a pulse rifle from the movie "Aliens". The other three were instantly recognizable: a tall red-haired woman, a blue-haired male, both dressed in black and white clothes with red "R"s emblazoned on the fronts, and a small, bipedal cat-like creature.

"What the hell…?!" exclaimed Brock.

"To protect the world from devastation…!"

"To unite all peoples within our nation…!"

"To denounce the evils of truth and love…!"

"To extend our reach to the stars above…!"

"Jessie!"

"James!"

"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!"  
"Surrender now or prepare to fight!"

"Meowth! That's right!" Morrigan looked up and smiled happily.

"You got my message!" she called out. "I was afraid you hadn't!"

"We came as soon as we heard," answered the robed redhead. "Figuring out where you were wasn't hard. We just followed the trail of destruction…"

"In the name of Solarchos…" called out Jessie and James of Team Rocket as they struck the world-famous Sailor Moon pose. "We shall punish you!" Meowth chuckled evilly as he put on some brass knuckles.

"No!!!" screamed Ash. "I won't let you stop me from becoming the Uber-Pimp! I…!"

"Blow me, you perv!" shouted Satyr as he leveled his pulse rifle and opened fire. The fight was on.

Morrigan spun around and punched Brock squarely in the crotch. Saffir and Demando leapt at Misty, grabbing the slender waif and pulling her to the ground where they proceeded to pound her through the floor. Ash threw a Poke-ball but Lisara was quicker: the robed redhead whipped out her lightsaber and slashed it in half, then proceeded to hack away at the legions of Pokemon which filled the AT-AT. Meowth was already getting medieval on Jigglypuff, Satyr was blasting away continuously at Barney ("Uuuhhhhhh! Help! Kids! This sucks!"), and Jessie and James were capturing Pokemon left and right.

The Revenge for Hire gang sprung into action. Ail, Anne, and Nephrite all grabbed the nearest Pokemon and began draining their energy. Beruche grabbed Squirtle and proceeded to deep-freeze him. Esmeraude, Petz, Black Lady, and Mistress Nine began electrocuting the hell out of whatever unfortunate critter they got their hands on. Rubius and Tellu both grabbed Psyduck and started fighting their way towards the microwave. Kunzite ripped off his cape and quickly leapt on Pikachu, wrapping up the electro-rodent in it. Closing up the bundle, he then proceeded to beat it against the walls, floor, other Pokemon…anything which presented itself. Talon, Eudial, Cyprine, and VesVes all jumped into the fray, attacking the nearest Pokemon ruthlessly. JunJun was still cowering in the bathroom (the little git).

Pivoting on her heel, Lisara slashed at several Pokemon, sending them reeling from the deep burns her lightsaber inflicted. Meowth immediately jumped on one and started pounding it senseless, laughing insanely all the while. Satyr kept blasting away at Barney who'd now staggered backwards into a corner.

"I hate you…you hate me...!" he shouted happily. "I'm as happy as can be…!" He quickly ducked as Ash took a punch at him.

"You bastards!" screamed Ash. "You've ruined everything!" He took another swing at Satyr's head. Satyr merely brought up his pulse rifle: Ash's fist connected with the gun with an incredible crack. Needless to say, Ash was now hurting…although Satyr's slamming him in the crotch with his knee was slightly worse.

Charmander let out a terrified squeal as Talon pushed him to the ground and proceeded to tear him to shreds (anyone who's ever seen any of the Jurassic Park movies will know exactly what an irate velociraptor's capable of). As they struggled on the floor Iron Mouse finally managed to free herself from the bindings holding her down. She slowly stood up, glaring at the battle all around.

"That does it," she called out. "I'm not stupid, I'm not a sacrifice to an annoying purple diablosaurus, and I'm not taking it any more!" With a flash she ripped off her zoot suit, revealing her famous white outfit. "Hey, Ash!!" Ash and Satyr stopped fighting for a moment and stared at her. "Can you smel-l-l-l-l-l-l-l what the mouse…has cooking…for _you_!! Chuuuuuuuuu!!" Letting loose with the battlecry that struck fear into the hearts of millions (or not) Iron Mouse leapt off the table and landed right on top of Ash, nailing him squarely in the face. Satyr watched in amusement as Ash and Iron Mouse tumbled to the floor, punching and kicking. He then turned away and joined Nephrite and Cyprine as they pounded the hell out of Barney. The weird squeaking sounds that came from Barney every time they hit him were strangely satisfying.

Jessie laughed maniacally as she grabbed Mew by the legs and began beating him mercilessly against the walls, drawing distressed squeaks from it with each blow.

"Aren't we supposed to be catching them instead of bludgeoning them senseless?" asked James as he kept chucking Poke-balls (cringing a little as he accidentally hit Talon: "I am not a Pokemon, dammit!!!").

"Yeah, but this is so much more fun!! Who's your mommy now, Mew?! _Who's your mommy_?!!"

Esmeraude, Petz, and Beruche had joined Saffir in beating the crap out of Misty. All four of them had grabbed a limb and were repeatedly smacking the girl's head into the wall like a battering ram. Meanwhile, Demando had taken over beating Pikachu from Kunzite (his arms had gotten tired). With a scream, Brock stood back up, now holding a loaded MP5 submachine gun. Lisara quickly rushed over, smirking wickedly as she whipped out a black folder and presented it to him.

"Here, take a look!" she urged. Then she flipped the folder open…

Brock turned completely white as he caught sight of the folder's contents. Letting out a shriek of pure, pants-wetting terror, he dropped the gun, rushed across the room and smashed through the bathroom door. Hurling JunJun aside, he proceeded to be violently ill. Morrigan was amazed.

"I can't believe it!" she called out. Behind her Tellu and Rubius were struggling to shove Psyduck into the microwave. "You actually used it! You used the Anime-nuke!!"

"You know what they say about desperate times!" shouted back Lisara as she hacked down another Pokemon.

"Get in there! Get in there!" shouted Tellu as she and Rubius both pushed Psyduck into the microwave.

"Psi!! Psi!! Psi!!" croaked the Pokemon as they finally managed to slam the door shut. Both villains laughed evilly as they held the door shut and started the cooking cycle.

With a roar, Barney slowly rose to his feet. Now he was angry. Despite the savage beating he'd taken his purple dino-suit was in surprisingly good shape (kevlar). Nephrite and Cyprine recoiled a little as huge fangs began to grow in Barney's mouth and his eyes started to blaze red. Satyr didn't flinch as Barney regarded them with a look of pure, raw bestiality.

"_I'll swallow your souls!!_" roared the diablosaurus. It suddenly stopped when Satyr shoved his pulse rifle into its mouth.

"Swallow this!" he declared. There was a huge explosion of purple cloth, cotton, and kevlar as Barney's head blew up, releasing the demonic spirit inside. As the Barney-suit crumpled to the floor the dark black mist that was Barney's true form quickly escaped out an open gun port. The evil that was Barney had been dispelled.

"Hail to the king, baby," proclaimed Satyr.

The Pokemon began to panic. The battle had turned completely against them. Half of their numbers were now captured or injured, the Poke-masters were all down, and Barney had been defeated. Like a flood of lemmings they all began to rush towards the open doorway.

"Nooooo!!" wailed Ash as he threw Iron Mouse into a corner. Misty was being shoved face-first into a toilet and Brock was now sitting naked on the floor crying hysterically as his clothes burned on the floor in front of him.

"_Psi-EEEEEEEE_!!! (ka – THOOMP!!!)" Tellu and Rubius staggered backwards as the microwave door was pushed open by the force of the blast.

"YES!!!!" shrieked the two villains as they high-fived each over.

"You'll all pay for this!!!!" screamed Ash as he leapt to his feet, whipping out a huge 357 magnum revolver. Laughing insanely, Ash opened fire at Jessie and James, firing off all six shots in rapid succession at point-blank range.

Silence filled the room. Jessie and James slowly opened their eyes and quickly checked themselves and each other. Neither of them had been wounded (who didn't see that one coming?).

"…the _hell_!!?" shouted Ash. Morrigan and Eudial jumped in front of him.

"Oh, Ash…!" said Morrigan in a melodical voice. He glanced at them. Suddenly, the two girls reached up and pulled down their tops…

"Gaaaaaaahhhhh…!!" exclaimed Ash as his jaw hit the floor and his eyes almost popped out of his skull as he got incontrovertible evidence of just how well-endowed Morrigan and Eudial were. A second later he collapsed to the floor unconscious as Iron Mouse smashed a coffeepot over his head.

The last of the Pokemon leapt off the D&D AT-AT and scattered in all directions, disappearing as quickly as they appeared. Kunzite leapt onto a chair and proceeded to do the victory boogie as everyone else cheered.

Demando looked around as he caught his breath. Morrigan and Jessie were acting like old pals. Eudial was torching the empty Barney suit. Satyr and Cyprine were busy kicking Ash. Tellu and Rubius were looking inside the microwave to observe their handiwork (what an incredible mess). James was surveying the wall behind him. Lisara was very carefully picking up the black folder off the ground. Talon was staring hungrily at Meowth (much to his horror). Brock was using a plunger on himself to induce more vomiting. Misty was still being tortured. Finally, everyone else was staring at Iron Mouse.

"What?!" demanded Iron Mouse. "Why is everyone staring at me like this?! I'm starting to feel like a monkey in a zoo! Or Lead Crow at a bar…"  
"Uh, Mousie," said Eudial as she readjusted her top. "Don't you, like, feel a draft or something?"

"Not really. Why?"

"Uhhh…when you ripped off your zoot suit," explained Eudial. "You also pulled off your costume top…" Iron Mouse looked down…and immediately blushed luminous red as she suddenly realized she'd been fighting topless the whole time. With a high-pitched scream she snatched up her clothes and darted into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

"Aww, why'd you have to tell her?" commented Rubius. Saffir sighed.

"You are such a pervert," he said as he, Petz, and Esmeraude finished tying up Brock and Misty. "So anyways, who are you people?"

"Where are you from? Another planet?" retorted Jessie. "We are the world-famous Team Rocket! I thought our introduction speech made that clear." Meowth was now cowering behind Jessie's legs, shaking like a leaf as Talon kept eyeing him hungrily.

"You guys work for Solarchos, too?" asked Ail.

"Nah," said Jessie. "Morrigan and I are best friends. She called me on my cellphone just before you guys got overrun. We came as soon as we could. Fortunately, Lisara and Satyr gave us a lift."

"So _you're_ Lisara," said Mistress Nine. "So you're what? A friggin' Jedi Knight or something?"  
"Nah," replied Lisara as she pulled a soda from the refrigerator. "I'm not even a Padewan learner. I'm purely self-taught, but that doesn't stop me from kicking some ass when I need to. Especially when a friend of ours is being held captive."

"What about you?" asked Black Lady, regarding Satyr as he reloaded his pulse rifle.

"Private first-class Satyr of the Colonial Marine Corps," he replied. "I'm retired, actually. Me and Lisara and Solarchos go way back."

"You're not retired," retorted Morrigan. "They kicked your butt out…"

"Hey! Quiet!"

"Something about blowing up an aircraft carrier…?"

"That was an accident! It wasn't my fault!"

"Accident!? I _saw_ the ship in question when they towed it into dry-dock. Holy crap, it looked like someone had tried to turn it inside out! What the hell did you do to it?"

"It wasn't me! It was that blond bitch Mihoshi's fault…!"

"Okay, I've got questions," called out Kunzite. "What the hell was that thing you showed Brock? What's the Anime-nuke?" Morrigan and Lisara cringed a little.

"It's a little slice of hell is what it is," said Morrigan.

"It's the _worst_ hentai fanpic _ever_ created," explained Lisara. "Basically, it's a picture of Chibi-Usa doing _something_ with _someone_. Nobody knows exactly what's going on in the picture but it's drawn well enough that the mental imagery it conjures up is enough to shatter the sanity of most sentient lifeforms." She pointed at Brock as an example. He was still in tears.

"It's the artistic equivalent of a thermonuclear explosion," added Morrigan. "And about as messy as one, too."

"We should be freakin' dead right now!!" shouted James as he examined the wall behind him. "Did you see the size of that hand-cannon Ash had? It's bigger than he is! We should be freakin' dead!"

"Yeah, you guys were lucky," commented Tellu as she kept on examining the interior of the microwave.

"This shit wasn't luck," continued James. "This was something else. This was divine intervention! You know what divine intervention is?"

"What?" asked Meowth. "Like some spirit or something reached down and stopped the bullets?"

"Yes! That's exactly what happened!" cried James, "A spirit reached down and stopped the bullets! This was a friggin' miracle!" Meanwhile, Satyr had picked up Ash's gun and was examining it.

"Actually," he announced a moment later. "The only miracle here is that Ash was truly stupid enough to load his gun with blanks."

"_**Blanks!?**_" exclaimed all three members of Team Rocket.

"Blanks," replied Satyr. "Ash is an idiot." Misty weakly raised her hand.

"If I may point something out," said the much-battered girl. "I was the one who loaded his gun with blanks. Ash's more likely to shoot himself in the foot then actually hit someone…" Demando quit beating Pikachu against the walls and dropped him to the floor. Pikachu was so out of it he looked like he was stoned. Talon quickly snatched him up.

"Hey, Morrigan!" he called out. "Take the shot!" Morrigan squealed with delight as she whipped out a cricket bat from Regions Undisclosed (TM). Talon lobbed Pikachu at her. With an almighty whack Pikachu was sent rocketing out the side door and arcing high into the air.

"Piiiiiiiiiiii-kaaaaaaaaaaaa…!!!"

"Hey!" protested Jessie. "We wanted to capture him!"

"Oh, come on!" retorted Lisara. "The longest you've ever been able to hold onto Pikachu is what? Twenty-four hours?"

"Hours? Try minutes," admitted James.

"Plus you've got all those other Pokemon you caught a few minutes ago so you're pretty much set," added VesVes. Jessie shrugged.

"I guess," she replied as everyone else eagerly watched Pikachu's flight.

"He's going…he's going…" chanted Cyprine. Everyone held their breath as Pikachu's descent quickened, his trajectory seemingly aimed towards…

…a certain pink-haired little girl.

_Wham!!!_

"_**YES**_!!!" screamed everyone.

"It's good!! It's good!!" shouted Cyprine.

"And Morrigan Aensland wins the world Poke-cricket championship!!" added Talon.

"As well as the thanks of a grateful world for nailing the sugar-spore right in the head!" cried Mistress Nine. "What a shot!"

"Okay, settle down!" called out Eudial, taking charge once more. "Let's get back to the task at hand. We've still got an author to rescue, remember?" Everyone quickly rushed back to their seats as Eudial and Morrigan got the D&D AT-AT moving once more.

"I say we execute the prisoners right now!" shouted Iron Mouse (who was now more appropriately dressed).

"Nah," replied Lisara. "Leave them for Solarchos. After what those bozos tried to do I'm sure he'll want to deal with them _personally_." Misty and Brock slumped down further in their seats, whimpering beneath the leering grins of the Dark and Dead Revenge for Hire.

Her deep brown eyes seemed to bore into his own blue eyes. Nyanko and Crow had traded places and Crow was now sitting on his stomach, her face less than a foot away from his. Solarchos swallowed hard. Lead Crow _was_ extremely good looking (especially in her regular costume) and it was taking every bit of strength and willpower he had to keep from reaching out, burying his fingers in her long copper hair, pulling her down, and…

_Don't think hentai thoughts,_ the rational part of his brain warned. _Don't think hentai thoughts. Do not turn this into a lemon…_ Suddenly Mars kicked the side of the chair and stood up in a huff.

"Dammit!" she snapped. "He _still_ hasn't cracked. This calls for drastic measures. Get him up." Crow and Nyanko grabbed Solarchos and pulled him to his feet. "You have survived the soft pillows! You have endured the comfy chair! Well, you will _not_ be able to withstand what's coming next!"

"Nyanko, I'm warning you," said Solarchos. "Get your hand off my butt…"

"You think you're strong," continued Mars. "But soon you will be on your knees begging for mercy like all the others who came before you!"

"There were _others_?" inquired Solarchos. "Who?" Mars ignored him and continued.

"Crow! Nyanko! Tie him up again. We are going to have…a spanking!"

"A spanking! A spanking! We're going to have a spanking!" cried both girls gleefully as they dragged him to the pillar.

"I shall spank you well," continued Mars. "Then after the spanking I shall deal with you as I like. And then…" She pointed at Nyanko. "…_she'll_ spank you."

"Then me!!" added Crow.

"Yes! Yes! We'll all get to have a good spanking! Then after the spanking…the oral sex!"

"_**Yes**_!!!" screamed Crow and Nyanko.

"And all the while you'll be begging for mercy just like the others!!" shouted Mars, laughing diabolically.

"Uhhh…are you sure it was mercy they were begging for?" asked Solarchos as Crow and Nyanko began tying him up.

"Yeah! Yeah!! Make him talk! _Make him talk!!!_" shouted a voice from outside the window. Everyone stopped for a moment and an odd look came over Mars' face as she had a rare moment of lucidity.

"Shingo?! I recognize your voice, Shingo! What the hell are you doing out there?!" Suddenly, Shingo Tsukino came flying through the window as a bunch of people burst into the room. The Senshi Inquisition recognized them immediately.

"What the…?!" began Nyanko. She was abruptly cut off as she took a punch in the mouth.

"Here we are!!" shouted Eudial as the D&D AT-AT stomped up the hill towards Rei's temple, flattening a few parked cars, uprooting several trees, and ruining quite a few flower gardens. Smashing down the walls and arched gateway at the temple's entrance, the AT-AT came to a halt. A moment later it knelt down and lowered its loading ramps as the sleek hovertank Lisara, Satyr, and Team Rocket showed up in set down nearby.

"Let the ass-kicking commence!!!" screamed Esmeraude as she and the rest of the R4H gang charged down the ramps.

"Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!" added James as he and everyone else disembarked from the hovertank. Armed to the teeth and high on adrenaline and/or alcohol (compliments of Nephrite) they all swarmed towards the temple, knocking over everyone in their path (Rei's grandfather included).

The door was instantly reduced to cinders by Eudial's fire-buster. Rushing inside, they all skidded to a halt, their battle cries trailing off as they caught sight of what was going on.

Sailor Mars was on the ground, held down by Sailors Jupiter and Venus while Mercury and Pluto tied her up with duct tape. Shingo was on the ground, too, kept there at blade point by Uranus. Lead Crow was currently entangled in Aluminum Siren's hair and was being tied up by Sailor Neptune and Pewter Fox. Tin Nyanko ran screaming across the room, slowed significantly by the weight of Titanium Croco hanging onto her leg while the rest of the Animamates chased after her. Heavy Metal Papillon quickly ducked out of the room and ran off before Nephrite could spot her. Talon, Lisara, and Satyr quickly dashed over to where Solarchos was and began untying him.

"What the hell is going on?!" screamed Eudial. "We were expecting to fight the Senshi Inquisition, not _all_ of you!" Mars almost broke free of Jupiter's and Venus' grip as she leapt to her feet.

"Ha-haaa!! _Nobody expects the Senshi…_" WHAP!!! "…oh, bugger!" Mars slumped to the ground, unconscious, as Mercury smacked her on the head with the biggest, heaviest book she had in her possession (which turned out to be the Kama Sutra…don't ask).

"Would somebody please tell us what's going on or do we need to start shooting indiscriminately?" demanded Demando. "Mind you this has been a pretty unusual day." As he said this Eudial went over to Solarchos and helped untie him.

"Shimata!" she exclaimed as she removed his gag. "Are you all right?!" Solarchos sighed.

"Couldn't you people have come five minutes sooner or twenty minutes _later_?!" he complained.

"Uhhhh…what would've happened in twenty minutes?" asked Satyr, raising an eyebrow. Solarchos shook his head.

"Never mind," he replied. "This has been the goofiest day of my life." He gave Eudial a quizzical look. "What are you doing here?"

"Isn't it obvious?" replied Eudial, looking smug. "We're here to rescue you! It took a while but we're here now. Sorry about the delay."

"You came to rescue me?" he asked, a little amazed.

"Of course," said Eudial,."I figured it was the least we could do for you."

"Oh, just shut up and kiss her," called out a familiar voice. Solarchos and Eudial looked over to see Iron Mouse standing right next to them, looking on eagerly.

"Not you again," sighed Solarchos.

"Come on! Give her a big hot juicy one right on the lips!" taunted Iron Mouse. "You can't fight it forever."  
"Jeez, don't you ever quit?" snapped Solarchos. Iron Mouse smiled up at him and shook her head.

"Nope, not until I get what I want and believe me I always do. I wanna see some lip-action. Kiss her, you fool!" Solarchos rolled his eyes and desperately fought the urge to strangle her. "Oh, come on! It's the perfect moment! You want to hug her…you want to love her…you want to squeeze her…you want to please her…" Now Solarchos looked like he was mentally undressing her…then tearing her limb from limb. "Come on!! Kiss her, kiss Sailor Uranus, kiss Esmeraude, kiss Lead Crow, kiss Galaxia, _kiss somebody!!!_"

"FINE!!!" he shouted. Dropping to his knees, he grabbed Iron Mouse by the head and planted a huge, open-mouth kiss directly on her lips, his eyes flashing angrily all the while. Iron Mouse twitched a little as the kiss went on, but didn't do much else. Everyone stared on in amazement.

"Hmph, I'm a better kisser than she is…" grumbled Esmeraude.

"Uhhh," called out Morrigan. "Are you two coming up for air any time soon?" Finally, Solarchos broke the kiss and stood up.

"_Satisfied?!!_" he demanded. Iron Mouse nodded weakly and flopped to the floor, a huge beatific smile slowly forming on her face.

"Oh great," growled Ann. "Now she's gonna be in an insufferably good mood for at least a week."

"Uh, Solarchos," added Petz. "You do realize they put up warning posters about her at men's gyms and health clubs, right?"

"Oh, don't forget about numerous restraining orders she's got levied against her," added Black Lady. Solarchos ignored them as he surveyed the whole scene. He was not in a good mood.

"Team Rocket?! What are they doing here?" he demanded as Morrigan and Rubius dropped the three tied-up Poke-masters on the ground nearby. Eudial sighed and filled him in on everything that had happened so far: the Three Lights blocking the lifts, the battle with the Pokemon, Barney, everything. By the end of her tale Solarchos looked about ready to explode. Everyone began to back up nervously as he began to look at them, look at Satyr's pulse rifle, look at them, look at the pulse rifle…

"Uhh, calm down there," advised Venus. "Let's not do anything nasty…"

"Be mindful of your thoughts, Solarchos," cautioned Lisara.

"Somebody is going to die for this…"

"Nobody needs to die, Solarchos," said Lisara, smirking as she pointed at his head.

"Okay, maybe nobody needs to…hey!! _Cut that out!_" Solarchos sighed heavily and tried to calm down. "All right. Somebody owes me an explanation. Several explanations. And they'd better be good because right now I'm seriously considering taking one of my battlemechs and making like Godzilla all over this town!"

"Hey! Cool! Can I help?" asked Eudial.

"First, what the hell happened to him?" Solarchos pointed at Brock, who was still naked and sobbing. "Did somebody "bring out the gimp"?"

"Your friend Lisara used the anime-nuke on him," replied Mistress Nine. Solarchos spun around and stared incredulously at Lisara.

"Oh my gawd in heaven!" he exclaimed. "You?!" Lisara shrugged.

"Well, it was a last resort," she replied. The Senshi and the Animamates all started looking very nervous.

"The anime-nuke?!" exclaimed Uranus. "Solarchos has a copy?!"

"Oh, shit!" added Pluto. "I know somebody who saw it once. Now he stutters and walks with a limp!" Sailor Theta merely burst out crying.

"Please don't use it on us!" she begged. "I've got too much to live for…!"

"Explanation number two!" continued Solarchos. "Who the hell was responsible for the Pokemon attacking? As Lisara said a few seconds ago be mindful of your thoughts." All of the Senshi and Animamates began shaking their heads. Meanwhile Talon leaned down towards Misty and began sniffing her.

"I confess!" cried Misty. Lead Crow suddenly leapt up.

"Who said that!?" she demanded. Neptune reached over and whacked her on the head with her Aqua-mirror, silencing her. A moment later Pewter Fox grabbed Titanium Croco's mallet and gave Tin Nyanko a good swift blow on the head, knocking the cat-girl out.

"What was that for?" asked Jupiter. Pewter Fox shrugged.

"General principles," she replied.

"It was all Ash's and Barney's fault!" continued Misty. "When they heard about you being captured they came up with the idea! No one hired us to do it! Please don't let the raptor eat me!"

"All right," said Solarchos. "That explains the Pokemon. Now, part three. What the _hell's_ up with _them_?!" He motioned towards the unconscious Senshi Inquisition. All of the Sailor Senshi and Animamates sweatdropped.

"This is kinda our fault," said Neptune.

"Ours too," added Titanium Croco.

"We're _all_ to blame," explained Jupiter. "Please don't use the anime-nuke on us!" Solarchos crossed his arms and started tapping his foot.

"We can explain everything," began Aluminum Siren. "Remember how you and I bumped into each other earlier? Kaorinite, PallaPalla, Calaveras, and I were beating up Chibi-Usa?" Solarchos nodded.

"You were attacking Chibi-Usa?!" cried Mercury. Titanium Croco tried to nail her in the head with her mallet, but Sailor Pluto beat her to it, silencing Mercury with a nice, solid blow to the head with her time key. Aluminum Siren continued.

"After you left Crow-san joined in. The sugar-spore tried to fight back and she nailed Crow-san in the head big time. Now she's got a concussion and she thinks she's John Cleese." Almost everyone burst out laughing.

"Okay, that actually explains a lot!" said Morrigan, giggling.

"As for Nyanko…" began Chi, facefaulting. She looked at her twin sister. "You tell him." Phi glanced nervously at Solarchos, hoping he didn't have any guns on him.

"Well…uhhmm…it's not _entirely_ our fault," she explained. "Nyanko's got this pre-existing medical condition and…well…I…that is Chi and me…" Solarchos started looking impatient. "We…uhhhh…we…" Phi started shuddering as she squeezed her eyes shut. "Nyanko's something of a hyperactive and we…we…"

"Satyr," said Solarchos. "Gimme your pulse rifle." Phi burst out crying.

"We switched her Prozac with some of Tellu's freaky experimental hallucinogenic drugs!!" blurted Chi. "She started tripping like you wouldn't believe! I mean, she was bouncing off the walls, breakdancing, and convinced she was somebody called the Great Cornholio! It was so freakin' hilarious! You would've loved it!"

"Then idiot here went and left the door to the apartment open!" jumped in Phi.

"I only went out to watch Papillon torch that poor schmuck's car," objected Chi.

"That poor schmuck was me!!" shouted Nephrite.

"Oh," replied Chi. "Hope you got insurance." Nephrite growled angrily.

"Hey, Satyr, can I borrow that pulse rifle?" he asked.

"So Lead Crow's got a concussion and Tin Nyanko's having a bad trip, huh?" said Eudial. "Makes sense when you think about it."

"Yeah! There you go!" said Chi, happily. "It all makes sense when you think about it, Solarchos! You've just gotta…" She trailed off as she realized he wasn't buying it. "Oh, Kami-sama, please don't kill me!"

"Okay, now what about Mars?" asked Rubius. Now it was the Senshi's turn to get nervous.

"Uhh, it's kinda a long story," said Venus.

"Try me," demanded Solarchos.

"Well, uh, you know how Mars is a Shinto fire priestess, right?" began Jupiter. "Let's just say that tending a large raging fire in a closed room, without adequate ventilation, in the middle of a major heat wave, at a _certain_ time of the month is generally not a good idea!!"

"We are _so_ sorry for all of this," called out Neptune.

"Same here," added Pewter Fox. "We did _not_ mean for _any_ of this to happen. Please forgive us!"

"I swear we'll make it up to you somehow," said Pluto. Solarchos sighed.

"Oh, fine, whatever! Just make sure it doesn't happen again. I swear…" Solarchos was suddenly knocked over by an overjoyed Sailor Venus and Aluminum Siren.

"Oh thankyouthankyouthankyou…!!!" they shouted as they glomped him. It took almost a minute to pry them away from him. Lisara had to use a crowbar.

"What about _these_ bozos?" asked Kunzite as he jabbed Ash in the ribs.

"…no Beryl, please don't use the whip again…" mumbled Ash.

"Shit!! I don't even want to know what he's dreaming about!!" shouted Mistress Nine. Meanwhile, Solarchos was thinking.

"What would happen if someone was exposed to the anime-nuke twice within a few minutes?" he asked. With a terrified cry half of the people in the room dove for cover.

"Don't go down that path, old friend," cautioned Lisara.

"Listen to the Jedi," urged Morrigan. "I've met some nasty people in my time but none of them would even _think_ of doing something like that."

"Yeah, man," added Satyr. "Don't do it. That's sick like Hannibal Lector, Jeffrey Dahlmer, and X-rated movies starring Digimon."

"Ewwwwwwww!!!" cried everyone, shuddering.

"Ugh! Stop that!" shouted Solarchos. "All right, fine! I won't use the anime-nuke." He thought for a minute, then an evil smile slowly formed on his face. "I've got it. I gonna let Brock go 'cause he's already scarred for life. Just drop his naked ass off in the middle of Tokyo."

"Got it!" said Talon and Satyr as they grabbed the whimpering Brock and proceeded to drag him away.

"Shingo!" shouted Solarchos suddenly. Shingo immediately stopped. He'd been sneaking towards the door. "What the hell's _your_ part in all of this?"

"Uhh, nothing!" he cried, "I wasn't watching the Senshi Inquisition have their way with you!!" He slapped his hands over his mouth.

Lisara smiled contentedly, lowering her arm. Mind tricks could be so useful.

"Are you girls really sorry?" asked Solarchos. The Senshi and the Animamates responded very much in the affirmative. He pointed at Shingo. "Kick his ass for me!"

"WOO-HOO!!!" they screamed as they all charged at Shingo, who immediately ran for his life.

"Well, we certainly won't be seeing him any time soon," commented VesVes.

"What about the Three Lights?" asked Saffir.

"Oh, I'll let you folks handle them," replied Solarchos.

"_**Yes!!!!**_" shouted the Revenge for Hire gang.

"How about these two?" asked Jessie, motioning towards Ash and Misty. "Can we help?"

"Okay, here's what I want you to do," said Solarchos. "I want Misty to be taken to the top of the Tokyo Tower and dropped, in a completely clothless state, in a totally nude _bungee jump_!!!"

"Ohhhh!! That's just not _right_!!" exclaimed Nephrite.

"That's just twisted!" added Tellu. "I'm really starting to like this guy…!" Meanwhile Jessie, James, and Meowth began dragging the horrified Misty away.

"Nooooooooo…!!" she wailed piteously.

"C'mon, great Poke-master," said James. "Time to make the evening news!" Jessie just did her best Esmaraude-laugh while Meowth stole Misty's wallet.

"Now what about him?" asked Demando, nudging Ash. Solarchos grinned fiendishly.

"Bring him back to the Bunker," he hissed,."I've got something special planned for him."

"Live target practice?" asked Lisara.

"Worse."

"The anime-nuke?" asked Morrigan.

"Worse."

"Douse him with gasoline, cover him with flowers, and light him on fire?" offered a helpful voice from outside. Nephrite immediately dove through the open window and chased after Heavy Metal Papillon.

"_Worse!" _called out Solarchos after them.

A few minutes later they were all back on the D&D AT-AT heading back to the Bunker. Solarchos was lying on the examination table with an icepack on his forehead, nursing three Advil. Lisara was next to him reading off the AT-AT's performance report and a list of suggestions the villains had made: double the number of machine gun turrets, install a cruise missile launcher, put airbags in the bathrooms… Morrigan and Eudial were driving, Ash was securely tied up, and Iron Mouse was almost comatose with the weirdest look on her face.

"After I take care of Ash I'm going to go straight to bed," said Solarchos at one point.

"You're not gonna, like, disappear on us, are you?" asked Cyprine, worried.

"Yeah, we like having you around," added Petz.

"No, I'm not going to become reclusive again. In fact I don't think I could ever go back to being like that. I am, however, going to go back to the Bunker and sleep for the next twenty-four hours. Once I've done that I'm going to get up and assume that this whole day was nothing more than a sushi-induced bad dream." He glanced over at the beaming Iron Mouse. She looked like she was stoned…and about ready to start doing her "Clockwork Orange" impression.

"Would somebody please turn her head the other way?" called out Mistress Nine. "She's starting to creep me out."

"You know," said Ann, addressing Solarchos. "Kissing her probably wasn't the smartest thing in the world to do."

"She's right," added Kunzite. "That girl's a predator masquerading as a housepet."

"Hope you're ready to be stalked, ambushed, and otherwise harassed like all the other people who now have restraining orders against her," said Black Lady.

"I can handle her just fine," replied Solarchos.

"Yeah, right. That's what that football quarterback said," commented Tellu. "Now he's undergoing psychiatric therapy." Suddenly, the D&D AT-AT slowed to a halt.

"Okay, we're at the designated spot," called out Morrigan. "Time to dump the trash!"

"What's going on?" asked Demando as Solarchos got to his feet.

"You all wanted to see this" he stated. "Somebody grab Ash. It's time for him to say hello to my little friends!"

With a thud, Ash landed on his back and woke up as a splash of ice-cold water got him in the face (compliments of Beruche). Groggy and disoriented, he tried to move, but he'd been gagged and hog-tied with duct tape. He looked up at the large opening overhead at the numerous faces peering down eagerly at him.

"So long sucker!" called out Tellu.

"Send us a postcard!" added JunJun. Suddenly everyone quieted down as they heard something coming from the surrounding darkness. They waited and observed eagerly…

Ash began to get nervous as he heard the distinct sounds of "uh-huh-huh-huh" and "heh-heh, mmmm, heh-heh" coming from all around.

"That's him," called out Solarchos. "Make it hurt a lot!" The weird laughing from the darkness intensified. Ash really began to panic as he saw them come out of the shadows. Quite a few members of Revenge for Hire cringed as they recognized the newcomers.

There were a total of seventeen of them all closing in a circle around Ash. Every single one of them looked no older than nine or ten years old, possibly younger, and all of them had demented gleams in their eyes.

"Oh my goddess!" cried Eudial. "Are those…?!" Morrigan nodded grimly.

"Yup," said the succubus. "They are."

"Oh, this is going to _rock_!" exclaimed Black Lady. Talon pulled out a large plastic bag and tore it open.

"Chips?" he offered.

Ash officially began to panic as he realized that these girls (and one guy), who all looked like they were fourth-graders, were all dressed like the Animamates. In fact, they looked identical to them, only about ten years or so younger.

"All right!" hissed a pre-pubescent Lead Crow. "Glad I brought my chainsaw! The Chibi-Animamates stepped into the light and looked up, waving.

"Hi, Solarchos!" they called out. Solarchos waved back.

"Heard you had a rough day," said Chibi-Papillon.

"Not rough exactly, but weird as hell," replied Solarchos. A young girl dressed in a gold sailor fuku stepped forward.

"Is this who I think it is?" she asked, motioning towards Ash. Solarchos nodded and all of the Chibi-Animamates began to smile fiendishly. "Consult the Libre Excrutiatus!"

"Pie iesu domine…(whap!)…dona eis requiem…(whap!)" chanted the rest of the Chibi-Animamates repeatedly, pausing periodically to whack each other with Nerf foam bats, as a couple of them struggled to bring up an absolutely huge metal-bound book. Chibi-Chanel and Chibi-Gucci set it down with a loud thump and nearly passed out from the effort of carrying it.

"I swear, we need a forklift for that dang thing," gasped Chibi-Chanel as she stumbled a bit. Meanwhile, Chibi-Galaxia opened the book and began thumbing through the pages.

"Let's see…" she mused as Chibi-Siren and Chibi-Leady ripped the duct tape off Ash's mouth, drawing a huge scream from him and laughter from everyone else.

"Hmph, they don't look so bad…" commented Esmeraude. "At least they're not sickeningly sweet like Chibi-Usa."

"Aw, blow it out your ass, mop-top," retorted Chibi-Nyanko. "By the way, your roots are showing and that dress makes you look fat. I mean orca-fat." Esmeraude had to be physically restrained from diving down the hole to get at them. Saffir and Kunzite dragged her away, which was a very wise choice considering Chibi-Animamates do not fight fair. As they pulled the Green Queen away Chibi-Galaxia sighed in frustration.

"Aw, man!" she called out. "I can't find a proper punishment that even begins to equal the enormity of Ash's crimes. I must concede defeat."

"Whaaa…?!" cried the Chibi-Animamates.

"Uh, does that mean you're going to let me go?" asked Ash, looking hopeful.

"Don't be ridiculous, you twerp. It just means we're going to have to get creative. Let's get the Number Six ready." Several of the Chibi-Animamates cringed in horror.

"Not the Number Six?!" cried Chibi-Mousie.

"'Fraid so. Get the pipes, Vasaline, jalapeno peppers, curling irons, and earplugs ready. Oh, and make sure the straps on the winch are tight this time."

"Uhhh…earplugs?" asked a very nervous Ash. Chibi-Galaxia smiled.

"They're for us" she said. "Lest your screams distract us from our holy work." A few snickers were heard.

"Holy?" said Chibi-Leady in a low voice. "Shya, right!"

"Okay, enough jibba-jabba," called out Chibi-Foxxy. "Let's string him up!"

"Yeah!!!" Ash began to freak out as dozens of little hands latched onto him and began dragging him into position. He barely had time for one last scream before someone stuffed a Poke-ball into his mouth (there's certainly enough room). Helpless, Ash could do nothing as the Chibi-Animamates prepared to have their way with him. It was bad enough they were going to torture him in full view of the Dark and Dead Revenge for Hire (for their viewing pleasure).

It got even worse when Rubius pulled out a camcorder and proceeded to tape the whole thing.

"Remember, Chibis," called out Chibi-Galaxia. "If it doesn't hurt, it doesn't count!!"

The End

Notes from Solarchos himself:

Thanks to all the people who've read this. I hope you've had as much fun reading this as I did writing it. I especially want to thank everyone who's inspired me to write all these stories in the first place. I couldn't have done it without you.

The Senshi Strike Back was sort of a turning point for me. Not only was it a collaborative work between me and a few of my other friends, it was something that I really had fun creating. The ideas just kept on coming, the story seemed to write itself, and at the end I felt more content than I had been in a long time.

That was way back in 1998, too. Still, "The Senshi Strike Back" never fails to make me laugh whenever I read it.

Until next time.


End file.
